I don’t see it being talked about in the news, but crimes like this rarely are. (And let’s not even get into the fact I couldn’t find a cover image of boys equivalent to what’s above. It shows the full focus on female victims and the complete neglect of young boys.)
It was reported last week, between March 15 & 16, that a woman 19, raped a 14-year-old boy. The encounter has left her pregnant, and the story has left some debating if what she did should be considered rape. Rarely do we see stories in the news about older women praying on young boys and when the information does come out, there’s often a litany of people saying, “Well the boy is living the dream.” “He wasn’t raped.” “I know what it was like when I was fourteen.” Let’s not ignore that all these statements are personal projects made by someone who is older, and often not in a committed relationship.
Here’s just one video response to the situation mentioned above:
What I don’t understand is why there’s even an argument on whether this is acceptable or not. I still don’t understand the people who defend children and young teenagers having sex, especially with people much older than they are. This argument has been, and will be made a million and a half times when stories like this come up, but it the situation had been a 19-year-old man and a 14-year-old girl, people would be calling him a predatory, pedophile, and calling for the max penalties, but then in this case, they’ll often say that “boys are more mature ‘sexually’ than girls. All my life I’m pretty sure I’ve been told girls mature faster and sooner than boys. Why isn’t this argument used when a young girl sleeps with an older man? Maybe she was just mature? No, I’m not arguing for either to be acknowledged as good. I’m saying the argument is stupid and it changes based on the desires of the speaker making the argument.
With the 19-year-old woman, they also go on to make the defense that she was just abused as a young girl. She had a bad childhood, so she was just looking for someone to hold her, to cry on, to give her support.
No one goes to a 14-year-old boy for genuine comfort if they had a hard life. They go to take advantage of the child. If this woman wanted emotional assistance of any kind, she would have gone to an adult, not a child whom she could coerse and control. This is a sorry reach for justification to turn a female predator into a ‘victim’ in a situation where she was the aggressor. Women aren’t treated fairly by the law. Their crimes are seen as less lethal and their sentences are less than men’s, if not non-existent.
Hey, why don’t we look at the background of every major killer ever in history? How about we look at Hitler’s background? His mother died of illness when he was very young. His father was abusive and beat him and all his siblings. His older brother ran away due to the beatings, and then the beatings on him became harsher. He was picked on in school until he started his own little gang. Sounds like he had a harsh life. Maybe we should excuse everything he ever did in life because he had a harsh life. No? It’s asinine to do that? So then why are people trying to justify a female rapist by proclaiming ‘victim’ background?
At some point, people become responsible for the way they handle the situation they grew from. They can either become monsters or fight their instincts to do evil and instead do good in the world. You can’t dismiss someone’s evil actions because of something that happened to them in the past. You can use their past to understand them, but that’s about it.
But he’s a boy. Every boy at that age just wants to lose their virginity and have sex. She was doing him a favor.
I’ve seen this argument too… a lot.
Look, I have something important to break to you, and you might not like it… If you are the adult in the situation, it is your job to protect children and provide them with the best, nurturing situations. Is the kid drowning in hormones? Yes, definitely. Do children have very basic urges they don’t understand that they want filled? Yes, definitely. But in the same way a child might say he wants cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, a parent will say, no, that’s not healthy for you, and make better decisions. Whether a child or teen asks for sexual interactions is not the problem. The problem is the adult who says, well, the kid asked for it, so I must comply.
No, you don’t. You’re not a child. You have more forward thinking abilities. You think a 14-year-old has the abilities to think through all the strings that come along with having sex? Do you think most 14-year-olds think about safe sex, know the alphabet of STDs, or the consequences of coitus? Do you think this 14-year-old boy was aware that if he got this woman pregnant, his life could very easily be ruined as courts often award child custody to the mother? He, or his family, could easily end up owing her child support payment before he’s even allowed to buy cigarettes. Do you think he was able to think about his future if she asked him, “Do you want to see what’s in my pants?” (whether or not it was more explicit when the incident went down doesn’t matter).
Adults having sex with children or teens is always wrong. There is a mental capacity that children and teens are not thinking of. It doesn’t matter what the body wants. To say, the child asked me for it, so clearly we had to do it, is shoving adult responsibility onto a child and anyone who says, ‘Well, it was the 14yo’s fault. I just did what he wanted’ should be ashamed of themselves.
Please tell me how you’re helping the child in the longrun when you do something like this.
“Well, if not with me, they’re just gonna go have sex with someone else.”
Or, as an adult, you use the moment to teach children how personal sex is. You use the moment to teach value of action and relationship to the youth rather than discarding the value of the physical relationship. It’s no wonder that divorce rates are so high and happy families are falling. Kids are being taught instant-gratification in every facet of their lives. If they want something, they should get it now regardless of what’s good for them, and that includes sex.
When you push for promiscuity, and you abuse the naivety of children, and don’t think that because they know the words cock and vagina they aren’t naive, here is what you’re doing:
- Devaluing ALL Personal Relationships
- Hurting Their Ability to Create A Meaningful Connection with a Partner in the Future
- Teaching Them To Act Animalistically
- Perpetuating a System of Abuse
- Forcing Children to Make Adult Decisions
- Possibly Destroying the Child’s Future (If the female gets pregnant as the victim or perpetrator)
- Normalizing the Abuse of Children
- Consider how many people say, “meh, it’s just normal part of culture for older men/women to sleep with younger boys/girls. It just sort of happens.”
For you to defend the sexual abuse of children and teens is wrong and destructive to them, the family unit, and society. Would you let your child or teen make any other huge decisions? Marry while in middle school? Pick the car YOU would buy. Pick the house YOU would buy. Make YOUR meal plan for your family. Get permanent surgery. Have children now.
It doesn’t matter if a child wants it. It’s your job, as the adult, to teach impulse control and morals, not shrug adult responsibility onto someone who can’t even take Tylenol at school.