Yesterday, potential cat lady, loner, and writer at “Medium”, Helen Rosner, published an article called “20 Things Men Can Do RTFN to Support Women, Beyond Just Literally Ceasing to Sexually Harass Us.” I know, super catchy title, right? Super full of compassion and kindness and humility and not aggressive at all.
Except even starting at the title Rosner condemns all men and victimizes all women are collectives of either or. When I came across this article, I wanted to reply because sometimes, you know, someone hits it so wrong, so very, out of the park bad that you just have to beat the dead horse and ridicule her more.
Rosner’s article starts off:
“A friend of mine, who is a man, reached out to me privately earlier today to say how paralyzed he felt seeing the flood of “Me too” posts on his Facebook wall, a phrase women are posting to indicate that they have been the victims of sexual harassment and assault. This is a good dude, as far as I know. (Here we are, now, having to say “as far as I know” about our good dude friends, because the truth is that probably plenty of guys are good dude friends unless you’re the one or two or fifteen women they crossed a line with, whether or not they realize they crossed a line. I haven’t been personally assaulted by this guy, I guess is the only thing I can really say. This is terrible for him and it’s also terrible for me. Everything is terrible.)”
If anyone started reading this article because they thought it’d help them with the ladies, think again. The women who agree with this woman already hate you and they aren’t going to like you even if you agree with everything they say.
Look at what Rosner said:
“This is a good dude, as far as I know. (Here we are, now, having to say “as far as I know” about our good dude friends, because the truth is that probably plenty of guys are good dude friends unless you’re the one or two or fifteen women they crossed a line with, whether or not they realize they crossed a line. ”
You’re not just assumed guilty if you’re a guy. You’ve already been judged. Rosner doesn’t want or need any kind of proof. She just demonizes all men with no issue, but I bet she’d get mad if someone said all Mexicans were rapists–Technically, by her own judgment, wouldn’t illegal men all be rapists anyway by virtue of having a dick?
She continues, “I haven’t been personally assaulted by this guy, I guess is the only thing I can really say.”
Welp, if you haven’t raped her, guys, she’s pretty sure you’ve raped someone else. So good luck climbing out of that hole.
“Anyway. I replied to him that I’m glad he’s having these realizations, but that he should be talking about these feelings to other men, not looking for affirmation or absolution or support from women, who are dealing with their own shit when it comes to men and their feelings about sexual harassment and assault. He’s a good dude, so he didn’t respond by telling me that if I was gonna be that way I’d just lost an ally, or whatever; he actually heard what I was saying and (I think) internalized it and realized the irony of asking a woman to emotionally support him as he processed all the burdens he and his cohort have asked women to bear. Then I felt kind of bad. He was looking for things to do. Most of them are pretty obvious but maybe he needed the weight of a woman pointing those things out to him — maybe you do, too.”
So, she’s miserable. It’s so hard and sad and taxing to be a woman because it just is! Has she ever thought that maybe she’s miserable because she’s an insufferable harpy who assumes everyone is out to rape her? Prolly not. Doesn’t strike me as one of the bright ones…
Think you can stomach her 20 suggestions that won’t help her like you, but she makes them anyway? BTWS, these are things she demands you do right now in bold this very second also, in bold.
Overcome your own transphobia. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Accept the lived truth of NB and GNC people, whether or not they are women.
First question: If transmen are men, should we assume they’re all rapists to by her own virtue of men and all men being assumed rapists?
But pointing out biological differences isn’t transphobic. Pointing out depression isn’t depressedphobic and pointing out bipolar isn’t polarphobic. For a psychiatrist, it’s a diagnosis. For snowflakes, it’s a special class for special privileges, and for everyone else, it’s a classification. Trans men aren’t the same as biological men and trans women aren’t the same as biological women. They can go about their day masquerading as men and women, but that’s all it is. A very expensive mask that you pay for, for the rest of your life. And you know, most people care about having kids or families and operate by the natural instincts that move any species forward in life?
Also, when can we start calling heterophobia on the LGBTQAAIP+$?
Be pro-choice and be vocal in support of reproductive rights. (And generous! Give to the National Network of Abortion Funds!) Understand that the opposite of reproductive choice is forced childbearing.
I like how all these ‘pro-women’ advocates actually pretend one of the most unnatural things for women to do is somehow pro-woman. You know the death of a child often psychologically scars a mother for life, yeah?
Abortion isn’t without consequences to the receiver:
Dr. Priscilla Coleman, a professor of human development and family studies published a scholarly critique of the APA report and referenced a myriad of other flaws with the piece, including the APA’s intentional omission of Coleman’s own study published on the issue in the August 2011 issue of the British Journal of Psychiatry. Her study recorded very different findings from those recorded by the APA task force and concluded that “women who had undergone abortion experienced an 81% increased risk of mental health problems.”
Even excluding Coleman’s study and limiting the scope to adult women with first trimester abortions, the APA report showed that 21% to 28% of women would feel harmed by their abortion within two years.
In the film, Gill records the devastating personal experiences of women who suffered extreme emotional and psychological trauma from their abortions. The women all reported suffering adverse effects like depression, anxiety, self-deprecation, sexual dysfunction, PTSD, suicidal tendencies, and substance abuse.
Sadly, the voices of these women are being treated like they don’t exist. As Dr. David Rearden says in the film, “blanket claims that there are no psychological effects of abortion are deliberately misinformed… its really calling every woman who says, ‘I felt grief after my abortion,’ a liar.”
But they don’t tell you about this. Also, these same ‘pro-women’ people will throw you out if you don’t have the right opinions–just ask the pro-life women who weren’t allowed in the “women’s march” last year.
Support subsidized birth control. Support women’s healthcare. Support women’s preventative healthcare. Support medical trials that include (or even prioritize) women.
I’m sorry, but I kind of don’t see where women’s healthcare isn’t being taken care of and thrown front and center. Breast cancer gets some top dollar while other forms of cancer, especially men’s cancers and illnesses kinda get brushed under the rug. Can someone point out to me in what way women’s healthcare isn’t at the front of societies woes? Also, killing a child isn’t healthcare no matter how many times you call it that.
Support nontaxed menstrual products. Ask your workplace if tampons and pads are free. If they’re not, advocate for them to be free. Get over any embarrassment you may have about menstruation.
You know what’s like, super pro-woman? Like, taking care of women, like, for them. Like, being their dad, or their husband, whatever, same thing, right? Without actually being married or anything. Like, pay for me daddy. Pay for me. Buy condoms, buy my birth control, pay for my friggin abortions! Can’t you see I’m an adult and I need you to do this all for me!
You know, cause I’m a super indie-pendie woman who don’t need no man–but don’t forget to buy my shit. 😉
Vocally advocate at your workplace for longer and more egalitarian paid parental leave, whether or not parenthood is part of your life. Advocate for lactation spaces. Advocate for on-site or subsidized childcare.
Oh yeah, because when you’re already complaining about women not being hired enough, let’s make actually HIRING women a bigger expense by saying, well, you’ll have to pay for extra stuff, make extra space, and subsidize nannies because mommy loves her kids, but not enough to actually be with her kids. Didn’t I tell you? Being an indie-pendie lady adult is all about having someone else pay for your stuff. Now who can raise mommy’s kids?
Tell your elected officials that you are a man who votes and you prioritize women’s issues when you decide who to vote for. Then actually prioritize women’s issues when you decide who to vote for. Understand that women’s issues are your issues.
All I’ve got for this is… why not vote for freedoms, protect individual liberties, and not vote for social and welfare programs that take from someone else to take care of you and your bad decisions? One of the best things that can be done for thumb sucking women right now is to kick them out on their butts and make them work for their own stuff. Bunch of entitled brats.
Whenever you are in a group composed of only men (whether it’s social, work, church, or whatever) ask yourself why there are no women present. Then ask out loud why. Force an honest answer.
This one bothers me so much because maybe, just maybe, everything doesn’t have to be intermixed ALL THE TIME. Let’s not pretend we’re this naive. Men and women act differently when they’re around each other. You can’t even pretend they don’t when you start off an article assuming every man is a rapist–of course you’re gonna be more relaxed and act differently as a woman around women. Same for men around men.
Look, men and women, for the most part, talk and think differently, they interact differently. When women are around women, they can typically talk about emotions and whatever else they like talking about in the way they best talk about it. Men are often more straightforward while women are more… Nuanced. Personally, I fall in the straightforward category so I don’t get along with a lot of women–but I digress. It’s not necessarily a problem if people have their own space. Stop pretending that it is. People need community with people like themselves.
It’s kind of bizarre to me that someone like this would argue about there being only men in some space, but I bet she wouldn’t argue about there being no white people in a black, segregated college safe space.
Cultivate genuine, intimate, nonsexual friendships with women.
Seek out women to be your heroes and mentors.
Or just look for people you actually like to talk to, hang around with, or admire for qualities other than muh vagina.
Any time you see a building, street, institution, etc. named for a man, see how long it takes you to spot another one named for a woman. (Any time you see one named for a woman, check to see if it’s on something oriented specifically toward women, children, or families. Odds are good it will be!)
Hm. I wonder if this has anything to do with how more men are builders, doers, soldiers, and leaders. I wonder, if perhaps, there is a reason why men are more publicly honored with things like this–if perhaps, they.. Commit themselves to certain things more. I wonder. I WONDER WHY PROPERTIES WOULD USE MALE NAMES MORE.
“But it’s my turrrrrrrrrrn!”
Success and reward isn’t an everyone gets a trophy thing. For the value you provide, you receive reward. Stop complaining and make something of yourself if you want a street named after you. (Pro tip: This ‘article’ won’t get you there’)
Ask yourself what things you don’t do, for whatever reason, that you also think of as something women tend to do. (Sew? Send birthday cards? Care about skincare?) Try doing it for a while, just to see what it’s like to be a person who does the thing.
Already covered this, but let’s hit it again real quick: Men and women are different. They enjoy different things. Are you trying to tell me that maybe a woman who doesn’t sew or care about skin or send birthday cards might be anti-woman? What is this point supposed to be? Someone is assigning gender roles to activities, huh? Isn’t that peculiar…
Talk less. In all spaces. At all times. At a lower volume.
“Shut up,” isn’t an argument. Gents, and I hope no one is taking this list seriously, but at this point, I hope it’s clear she doesn’t give two craps what your opinion is. She just wants you to stand beside her quietly, handing her birth control from your own pocket, while she tells you about how heavy her vagina is because being such a woman is a burden.
- When you need support, reach out to men as well as women. Work to be a person your friends of all genders can reach out to when they need support. Create a culture of openness around yourself.
I can’t speak for me, but I want to assume that most men go to other men when they need support–but they also don’t go to others as often as say, women seek support. Because women often feel important and loved when other people throw themselves over mud puddles, but guys usually like to problem solve on their own. Guys also typically go to the people who make the most sense to go to for help… but you know, that’s not just a guy thing, that’s a smart person thing…
Consume media marketed to women. Don’t perform your consumption.
Or, — or, I’ve got an idea. People can enjoy what they want. Just that easy. Some woman was complaining about ugh, new Blade Runner is a male power fantasy! UGH! I don’t see the problem with stuff being made for men’s enjoyment just as I don’t see a problem with stuff being made for women’s enjoyment. Unless I see more women watching NASCAR, James Bond, and all these male power fantasy movies and enjoying it, I don’t see where any women can get off complaining about it but neglecting Charlie’s Angels, Atomic Blonde, Bridget Jones, The Notebook, and all manners of emotional porn or female power fantasy.
I mean, come on. Can Rosner explain to me where she thinks dictating what others are supposed to watch and enjoy is egalitarian in any way?
Deprogram your beliefs about thinness being an optimal state of feminine beauty. Deprogram your beliefs that your desire matters in determining a woman’s worth.
I know feminists don’t like to admit this; but biologically speaking, the male body typically responds more to women who look like they can breed healthy, strong children. A thin body appears healthier which means it’s more attractive to male partners. You know what else? Be fat enough and you have problems getting pregnant. If you do get pregnant, you risk more complications in your pregnancy. If you believe in Darwinism, you really can’t poopoo on guys who like women who look healthy. It’s nature, survival of the fittest, and looking for the best breeding partners.
If you want a good boyfriend, have you tried not being fat?
Jerk off without porn for a while. EDIT: This really should be “Pay for your porn.” In particular, seek out (and pay for) porn that’s made by women, queer people, and people of color, and that’s produced ethically. Consume sexual culture as thoughtfully as you would consume any culture. (Thanks to Jillian and others for helping me reframe this.)
This just combines two earlier points I’ve already made: men and women are different and let people like what they like. Seriously; studies have shown men are aroused by different things than women. During sex, men watch different things than women. Facial expression vs. body movement/connectivity/etc. I don’t see how trying to be a dictator of men helps men like you more. All you’re doing with this article is saying, “to be an ally to women/me, you have to be miserable… like me.”
Learn about racism and intersectionality, and do everything you can to empower and amplify black women and NBWOC.
Intersectionality is not a thing. Plus aren’t you a racist for trying to prop someone up for their race at the expense of someone else (for their race)? Cute.
Detach yourself from straw-man definitions for hot-button issues (intersectionality, cultural appropriation, political correctness, preferred pronouns, etc.) and learn what they’re really about. Unpack the real meanings behind phrases like “SJW” and “feminazi.” Believe people when they say they’re in pain.
And I’d say you should detach yourself from your strawman version of men, conservatives, nazis and white supremacists, and learn what people are really saying. You’re not listening to anyone. You’re wagging your finger, dictating to them and turning the other way screaming “bigot rapist” if you’re met with anything other than YES YOUR HIGHNESS. GOT YOUR BC RIGHT HERE!
The last two read as filler points just to reach twenty:
Aside from making the demand men go out and befriend children (whose children, where?), this is just lazy writing to hit an even number. She ran out of talking points, but I’m surprised she didn’t add in “Put yourself in jail so I don’t have to take you to court for my future claims of rape.” and “When a woman divorces you, just give her all your stuff. You can make it again faster than she can, like right? You owe here.”
In this article, Helen Rosner comes off as an angry, lonely woman who hates men, partially because she can’t get the ones she likes to look at. She’s attempting to feminize men by making them like what she likes and reject the things they might enjoy, and trying to guilt people into changing by saying if you enjoy life, you’re a bad person.
What she’s more accurately written is a list of red flags for someone who will make you miserable if you have the balls to ask them out. If you’re up for a challenge, I guess I dare you.