Making Yourself Miserable Does Not Make You a Martyr

Obeasts like Roxane Gay try to make excuses for being hundreds of pounds overweight. One of the most recent pushes is that being fat is a form of rebellion. Against what? “Society!” They say with their fist in the air. I don’t know if these people reject what health and thinness means because they’re ignorant or in complete denial. I honestly think it’s a little bit of both with a lot of pride mixed in on top. I’ve only really seen progressives saying being fat is a form of rebellion; I’ve only seen progressives push that the world needs to find them attractive, not that they need to fix themselves if they want the world to find them attractive. I’ve only seen progressives reject responsibility for themselves and their fat bodies while blaming their problems on everything else. So I think it’s fair to say that pride takes part in this as progressives have huge egos.

In Gay’s Article “What Fulness Is,” she said:

“The notion that thinness — and the attempt to force the fat body toward a state of culturally mandated discipline — begets great rewards is centuries old.”

This is at the very top of her article and it already shows Gay’s contempt and complete aversion to responsibility. Thinness isn’t culturally mandated discipline, but rather a natural state of health where your body works best. Maybe if you were in an Asian country, there’s much more pressure to be thin; there’s shaming for being ten pounds overweight.

What I want to know is, why is a natural state of health considered forced while an unnatural state of fat isn’t? Weighing as much as a baby elephant is not a natural state for a human body. In order to get that large, you have to force food down your gullet even when your stomach is unhappy. You have to force your stomach to get larger. I’ve seen fatties talk about rubbing their stomachs if they feel full in order to soothe it so they can put more in. How is it not considered forced on the body to look like this:


Her article continues by complaining about some of the dangers weight loss surgery can have:

Modern weight-loss surgery began in the 1950s, when surgeons employing various techniques caused their patients fairly distressing problems, like severe diarrhea, dehydration, kidney stones, gallstones, and even death — but, generally, the patients lost weight.

Funny story, being obese also causes health complications including severe diarrhea, heart failure, heart disease and stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, some cancers, gallbladder disease and some gallstones, osteoarthritis, gout, breathing problems, sleep apnea, PCOS, infertility, and even death. In fact, obesity is so bad, it is currently one of the leading causes of death in the United States. 1 in 5 American deaths are now associated with obesity, but you won’t see fat activists like Roxane Gay or Tess Holliday say that. Nah, they’ll complain about how bad it is to be skinny because society sucks while holding four takeout bags and three large pizzas.

She says,

Some of these interventions have succeeded for people, and some have failed, because not even surgical intervention can overcome the reasons why many people gain and then struggle to lose weight. Some bodies and minds simply cannot be brought to heel.

I think heal would be a more appropriate word here. Gay is close, but in order to come to terms with what obesity means, then one must admit that they have a problem and a responsibility to themselves. A weakness. Watching My 600lb life, no one mentally healthy ends up on that show. It’s not hard to tell that in every obeast individual, there is some sort of trauma in their past that they’re dealing with via food. Gay has been fairly outspoken about her childhood trauma, a gang rape she was victim of when she was a young teen. Who knows if there was more in her childhood than that–but I’ve noticed a large number of obese individuals have abuse or neglect in their background and eating was a way they attempted to take control.

Interesting enough that while they thought they were taking control, they’ve actually lost control and this is what ‘thinness’ is all about.

Gay showed her ignorance at the very beginning of this article and I doubt it even registered. “Culturally mandated discipline,” she said, but she doesn’t seem to possess the insight into what thinness represents. Thinness and fitness represent an ability of self-discipline. It shows that you’re able to tell yourself no, that you have control over yourself, that you can put off immediate reward for future benefit. Obesity is a physical representation of greed, gluttony, and a lack of control. It shows the world, and often more importantly potential partners, that you aren’t able to control yourself, you aren’t able to make good decisions, because you simply follow our impulse whenever you feel it. You can’t critically think and discard actions that are dangerous for you for the greater good down the line.

Instead, fatty activities try to turn their lack of self-control–their childish greed–into activism or something to be proud of. “Look! I can’t control myself! It’s my protestation against a society that thinks I should have impulse control!” What are you? An animal? You might as well be. Did you know pigs will eat anything that’s put in front of them? That’s why fat people are often insulted as being called pigs; they act like animals with no self-control. See something you can put in your mouth? Do it.

She says,

I had a desire to lose weight but an inability — or, perhaps, unwillingness — to force myself toward the deprivation required for the significant weight loss the world told me I needed.

Which roughly translates into, “I wanted what I wanted now and I refused to show any level of discipline.” The very mentality of “take everything now, live for the moment, YOLO” is insanely destructive. If you don’t have to think about tomorrow, why make good decisions today? If you don’t think about tomorrow, then why think about what’s good for your health or your relationships or for other people in general?

Gay, and everyone like her, know that they’re doing wrong. The pressure they feel to lose weight isn’t one of society, but it’s the guilt they feel from having no self-control and the shame they feel from their bodies being testament to their lack of control. But instead of accepting their fault, they blame others and grow a sense of entitlement:

The truth is that my desire for weight loss has long been about satisfying other people more than myself, finding a way to fit more peacefully into a world that is not at all interested in accommodating a body like mine.

In what universe does anybody in society owe anyone else to be accommodating? Gay has hit an imaginary land where being thin means you’re being accommodated while ignoring that fact that purposefully making yourself fat is you imposing a handicap upon yourself. The world doesn’t ‘accommodate thin people as a reward for being thin’ or because it ‘likes thin people,’ but because being thin is the norm. Being thin is naturally healthy, and what you do when you make yourself 300, 400, 500+ pounds, is you make yourself a freak. YOU make yourself an outlier and how self-righteous do you have to be to demand special treatment and accommodation when you complicate life for yourself? You don’t get to mess yourself up and demand the world changes for you. What the hell?

That’s like saying, “I’m a single mother and my workplace doesn’t offer a daycare center on sight. Clearly, my establishment hates mothers.” No. You made a mistake and made your life harder on yourself by having a child out of wedlock. It’s not the world’s job to fix things when you do something unhealthy or harder on yourself.

Sidetracking for a minute, but this is another way the loser/socialist mentality comes out in full force. The idea that every outcome should be the same despite what the input is. This woman of 500lbs who eats everything thinks she should force society to give her the same outcome as a 120lb woman who shows restraint in her daily life. “They need to accommodate my daily failure to make me feel less guilty about being a failure. Make me attractive. Praise me. I can’t change, so change the world for me!”

Selfish, delusional, and grandiose.

“And the dominant cultural attitude toward fatness is that the fat body is a medical problem, a drain on society, an aesthetic blight. As a fat person, I am supposed to want to lose weight.”

No. Your body says your fatness is a medical problem as I mentioned before. Your doctors say it’s a medical problem because they understand biology much better than you. Yes, you are an aesthetic blight. No one is required to find you attractive and if you were truly happy with how you looked, you wouldn’t be demanding people change what they find attractive. People like Gay not only want to be praised for their lack of self-control, but they want everyone to act like it’s some feat; granter, eating 40,000 calories a day certainly isn’t easy, but it’s not control that gets you to that point.

“I’m not supposed to be fine with my body.”

Says who? If something is wrong with your body, who says you have to be ‘content’ with it? This is how you push yourself to be better.

And clearly Gay isn’t fine with her body if she’s demanding the world change its perspective in order to find her attractive. She wants assurance, from others, that she’s doing the right thing. If it only mattered that she was fine, then she’d care not at all what other people have to say. Going back to Ayn Rand, find the value in the work you do and in yourself, not in what others think about you. As she complained that people don’t think she’s aesthetic–she cares that people don’t find her attractive, but rather than learning any sort of discipline, it’s up to everyone else to make her world a reality.

“I have someone who appreciates my body and only hates everything I must deal with by virtue of living in this world in this body.”

If you’re happy with yourself, then who freaking cares? What if someone dislikes you for your personality? Would it be time to change the world because greed isn’t seen as a positive trait? Who is to say lying and manipulation aren’t good traits in a person? Again, you shoot yourself in the foot then demand everyone accommodate YOU. No one in life gets accommodation just for existing in a certain way and for Gay to say this shows her self-entitlement to be taken care of regardless of her own personal decisions. She doesn’t want to see the consequences of her actions and she’d rather everyone just lie to her about them so she can feel good about herself.

“I hate all my limitations. I hate my lack of discipline. I hate how my unhappiness is never enough to truly motivate me to regain control of myself, once and for all. I hate the way I hunger but never find satisfaction.”

It’s almost like she’s getting there, but she’s unable to grasp that it’s her. Her physical limitations are not caused by society, but by the unnatural weight, she’s put on her body. She understands she lacks discipline, but won’t accept that her body is the result of that inability to train herself. She knows something is mentally wrong with her; if you’re constantly hungry, but never satisfied, you’re using food to cover for some other emotional need, but she’s not seeking to heal that emotional need and uses the food as a way to cope. It’s worked so far, right?

I think to some extent, Gay thinks she deserves to be unhappy. This is just me thinking, analyzing her personality in this piece and from some of the other places I’ve seen her, but she doesn’t think she deserves to be happy, so she allows herself to suffer, she doesn’t take care of herself, and then she sees how she struggles in the world and shakes her fist, “What am I being punished for?!” She creates a victim in herself and blames everyone else for why she feels victimized when all this time she’s flogging herself with her own emotional whip.

And this is her disturbing confession:

“And the moment I step outside the safety of my home, I hate how visible I am, how people treat me, how they stare and comment both loudly and under their breath, how rude children remind me I’m fat and their rude parents say nothing, how I have to think and overthink where I go and how I will fit into any given space. “

It’s all about what other people think. All of it. She cares if people think she’s valuable. She cares if people think she’s fat because it tells her she’s not valuable at all. She derives everything about herself from how others think, so rather than doing good work and believing in herself, she’d rather control the thoughts of others and force them to conform to her will because she doesn’t want to change herself, she’s already stated multiple times: it’s the world that’s the problem.

“I am confronted by the fact that no matter what I achieve, I will always be fat first. I will always have this weakness; it will always be easily exploited.”

Roxane Gay, if you happen to stumble upon this blog and you happen to read this far, because I know it’s long, I want you to re-read this sentence of yours. This sentence that shows you are not confident in who you are or what you do, but you have low self-esteem. You don’t see your fat as a strength; you don’t see it as something that makes you more powerful or proof of whatever thoughts you think you have that are incredible, but you see it as a weakness that you wear for all the world to see and exploit. You want the world to pretend that your weakness is a strength in order to convince you of the same rather than actually making yourself stronger. Do you not see the issue here? You’re asking for another bandage and even if the world patted you on the back for your ill-health and inability to say no, you would still feel like shit about yourself because you know the truth; you know you’re out of control, and you know you’re the only one who can fix it, but you’re not doing anything. You will feel like a sham, a liar, a charade that every yes man is playing into, but you won’t feel deeper value. You’ll lose yourself in the opinions of others.

And should you forever rely on others to say that you’re valuable, you will never get a sense of yourself. You will never feel strongly about yourself. Why? Because if your value comes from the opinions of others, than you will always wonder what they’re thinking of you, regardless of your size, skills, or what you put out into the world. You will wonder if they thought you did a good enough job. If you were skinny, you’d curse the world for not thinking you’re hot enough or how you’d have to make yourself up every in order to fulfill their vision of you to ‘enforce’ your ‘sense of value.’

It’s not healthy mentally or physically and for you to think this way will always leave you vulnerable, miserable, and angry at the world.

And your statement:

“My insurance company will cover weight-loss surgery — but only after you’ve gone through six months of medically supervised weight loss; you have to prove that you deserve to have yourself cut open.”


“A few hours later, the program administrator called me back and told me I would need to lose 75 pounds before they would even consider operating on me. I immediately felt hopeless: If I could lose 75 pounds on my own, I wouldn’t be considering surgery.”

shows your ignorance. That’s not why insurance makes you go through a couple months of supervision. They do this to make sure you’re a good investment. Weight loss surgery isn’t a magic bullet; it’s an assistance tool. The surgery doesn’t stop you from eating until you’re in pain. It doesn’t stop you from choosing bad foods to put into your mouth. You can get the surgery and continue to gain weight if you don’t correct your diet. Insurance wants to know that you are a good investment if they’re going to spend their money on you.

You’re also a medical hazard to cut open if you’re at a certain weight. You can’t have everything you want just because you have money and snap your fingers. Your higher weight comes with health complications; it’s not a social construct, as fat activists have been touting for years.

“Given my schedule, this six-month waiting period was a requirement I was never going to be able to meet, so I ended up paying for the surgery out of pocket.”.

I hate to say it Gay, but this sentence shows you’re doomed to fail. You couldn’t show discipline, you couldn’t show impulse control, and you refused to make a change in your daily life. I don’t know what you think surgery is going to do for you if you can’t help yourself, not even for six months.

After her surgery, Gay wrote:

“I worried that people would think I betrayed fat positivity, something I do very much believe in even if I can’t always believe in it for myself. I worried that everyone who responded so generously to my memoir, Hunger, would feel betrayed.”

She worried that her work couldn’t stand on its own. She worried because she didn’t believe in anything that she’d said. She worried because she had to be a marvel, spouting the lies of fat positivity and health at every size in order to sell her garbage because if you’re living through lies, you can’t tell the truth, not even once, without worrying those who purchased your lies would turn on you.

Rather than evaluating the value of her work, she worried how her choices reflected on the philosophy she lived by, knowing it was wrong, and now being forced to change, though she would never want to admit it.

At risk of becoming repetitive, I’ll finish with a response to this from the article:

“I have brief moments where I allow myself to imagine hiking Runyon Canyon or wearing a fabulous outfit because it is available in my size or going to see a musical without making special arrangements…and then I tell myself to get ahold of myself. I tell myself not to want. I tell myself that I’ve failed to discipline my body before and I will probably fail this time, too.”

I’ve already said it in this blog, but I’ll say it again: Gay, what you, and people like you, are doing is making martyrs of yourself for being fat. You want praise for making yourself miserable. In the line posted above, you get angry at yourself for wanting to be happy, for wanting to be normal, for wanting an easy life. You think you don’t deserve ease; you think you deserve some kind of punishment, whatever punishment being fat has bestowed upon you and then you blame the world for making life difficult for you and for making yourself miserable.

It can be a tough cycle to get out of, but one thing you have to do is admit that what you’ve been doing has been wrong and let your ego take the hit. It’s okay to be wrong, it just stings a little, and the more loudly you screamed your answer, the harder it might hurt to step back and say you were wrong. You feel yourself getting happier as you lose weight and you yell at yourself for it because of the ego; because you want to stand by the fat positivity crap you were pushing; you’ve been using fat positivity to excuse your own issues for decades, probably. You can’t be wrong now, right?

But you’ll never be truly happy if you feel like you must be a victim, if you feel like you must suffer, and if you discipline yourself for feeling even a little happy after contradicting your previous thoughts.

It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to change your life. It’s okay to realize you were wrong and to live better and happier and inspire those around you. Let the ego go and evaluate yourself. Then, to make it better, every day, follow these three steps:

  1. Choose to be Grateful
  2. Choose to be Happy
  3. Choose to be Excellent

I bet you’ll see your life, your value, and your confidence in yourself grow exponentially.


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